you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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