I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
