Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i was born a porn star she said
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
