i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize