some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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