Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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