I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
3 2 1 whiskey
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
