and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
