his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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