My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
P.S. I can't hear my feet
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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