He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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