It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize