I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize