I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
