I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
