I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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