Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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