He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
