you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
