yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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