he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
