haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
