saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Randomize
