were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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