first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
