it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
