i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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