True but thats because hes a fetus.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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