Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
