I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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