Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
