pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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