You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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