we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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