Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
