I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
