I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I have already put on my inside pants.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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