I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
