It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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