Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
