I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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