Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
