I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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