I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
