i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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