Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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