four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
