Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
