just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize