I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
