She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
