Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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