she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
