Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
