He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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