he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
