a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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