well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i love accidental penises.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
