So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
