Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just had sex on a roof
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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