This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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