wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
