i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
