Fine. I'll sleep in my office
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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