i jhust puked up my retainher.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
