you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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