If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She bit a glass in half.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
