She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
