You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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