okay pat passed out under dana's car
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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