girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Green mimosas i think yes
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
