Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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